- LaWaK HiLaNG CeMuiH -

Ada seorang nelayan yang selalu dapat banyak ikan bila dia ke laut...so crew TV3 interview dia untuk rahsia dia tangkap ikan.

Crew TV3 : "Apa rahsia pakcik tangkap ikan?"

Nelayan : "Pakcik tenguk cara isteri Pakcik tidur bila pakcik bangun pagi. Kalau dia mengereng ke kiri, pakcik tebar jala kiri. Kalau dia mengereng ke kanan pakcik tebar ke kanan."

CrewTV3 : "Kalau isteri pakcik tidur terlentang?"

Nelayan : "Rezeki depan mata, pakcik tak turun kelaut pagi tu..."

CrewTV3 : "Oooooooooooo......."

Dialog Lembu Dengan Ayam


Ayam bilang: "Orang tuh jahat yaa... masa saya ambil beras yang sudah jatuh pun tak boleh... diusirnya saya."

Lembu tak mau kalah cakapnya, dia kata: "Itu ok lagi cuma diusir...

Saya lagi teruk, udahla susu saya di pegang-pegang, diramas-ramas, ditarik-tarik, dilunyail-lunyai... tapi saya nggak dikawin-kawinin...

Gimana cuba rasanya....!?!"

Aku Kan Suaminya


Karena keletihan, suami istri yang masing-masing bekerja tidur dengan lelapnya, apalagi merka juga baru saja menyelesaikan dua sesi 'pertarungan' mereka.

Namun tiba-tiba terdengar suara kenderaan di depan rumah, "Trettttt,tretttt......."

Sang Istri terbangun tergopog gapah dan sambil berteriak, "bangun, suamiku pulang"

Si Suami langsung sesaat bengong dan langsung lompat, sembunyi di bawah katil. Saat berada di bawah katil dia berpikir, "Ini kan rumahku sendiri. Kalau dia suaminya aku siapa?"

[ Last edited by  z4 at 31-7-2006 10:37 AM ]

Marriage Counseling
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After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."


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[ Last edited by  z4 at 31-7-2006 10:44 AM ]

Bless You
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man and a woman are riding next to each other on a plan in first class. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing.

A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?"

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you, sir," she replies. "I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, "Pepper."


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[ Last edited by  z4 at 31-7-2006 10:43 AM ]

In Heaven
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An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting with St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful
bloodcurdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "Its
only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams. "Oh my
God," says the old lady, "Now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

"You can't go there'" says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that."


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Getting Weighed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."


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7276

The Nice Husband

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."

Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"

eis_82

APPLICATION LETTER


Assalamu `Alaikum


Suami bin Lelaki
17, Jalan Angkasa,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu.


Isteri binti Perempuan
17, Jalan Angkasa,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu.

31 April 2006

Puan,

PERKARA : PERMOHONAN UNTUK BERPOLIGAMI

Perkara di atas adalah di rujuk.


2. Sebab utama permohonan ini di lakukan adalah kerana saya ingin
melengkapkan kuota yang telah di peruntukkan bagi saya. Buat masa ini
kuota yang telah di isi cuma satu, memandangkan masih ada 3 kekosongan,
eloklah jika dapat di penuhi secepat mungkin. Pihak yang akan mengisi
satu kekosongan ini buat masa ini ialah Cik Hana Fazura binti Ramli
yang
merupakan setiausaha saya di pejabat. Memandangkan komitmen yang beliau
tunjukkan di pejabat amat baik, eloklah jika kita masukkan dia bersama
kita di dalam organisasi keluarga kita. Kekosongan yang selebihnya akan
di isi di masa akan datang.

3. Untuk makluman pihak puan, yang sebenarnya masalah ini telah lama
saya fikirkan tetapi memandangkan poket saya yang selalu nipis,
terpaksalah saya tangguhkan dulu permohonan ini di samping kurangnye
rasa keyakinan untuk mengemukakan permohonan ini. Kini, setelah saya
dapat mengeluarkan kesemua duit pelaburan ASB saya, saya merasakan
kembalinya semangat saya yang telah hilang selama ini.

4. Permohonan ini amat setimpal kerana dengan kedudukan sekarang ia
menguntungkan kedua belah pihak dan juga pihak ketiga. Selama ini hidup
kita bahagia sebab jika tidak, manakan mungkin puan dapat menjadi
seperti sekarang. Semua yang puan miliki sudah bertambah besar. Kereta
besar, rumah besar, rantai besar dan pakaian besar. Jika dulu potongan
puan seperti gitar, kini sudah bertukar menjadi drum. Oleh itu, sudilah
kiranya dapat kita kongsi bersama insan lain kebahagiaan kita ini.

5. Pihak puan juga dapat menikmati faedah dari kelulusan permohonan ini
kerana puan akan tetap menikmati apa yang telah puan miliki sekarang
dengan waktu bekerja lebih singkat dan sistem syif akan di perkenalkan
iaitu 1 hari kerja dan 1 hari cuti rehat. Waktu bekerja yang selebihnya
akan ditampung oleh pihak ketiga. Kebaikan yang puan akan nikmati ialah
waktu rehat yang bebas kerana dalam waktu puan bercuti, saya selaku
Penyelia tidak akan memantau aktiviti yang puan lakukan. Pada waktu itu
saya cuma akan fokus kepada hasil kerja pihak ketiga. Menguntungkan
bukan?

6. Segala kerjasama dari pihak puan saya dahulukan dengan ribuan terima
kasih. Saya amat berharap pihak puan dapat meluluskan permohonan saya
ini kerana adalah lebih baik jika kita dapat berkongsi kebahagiaan kita
ini bersama insan lain. Saya harap permohonan saya ini di balas dengan
senyuman penuh keikhlasan dari pihak puan dan tandatangan puan di atas
kertas yang saya lampirkan bukannya balingan periuk nasi,
pinggan-mangkuk, ketukan senduk dan perkara-perkara yang menyukarkan
pihak puan untuk melakukannya.

7. Saya harap puan sudi meluluskan permohonan ini. Hadirkanlah
senyumanmu sebagaimana ketika kita menyambut orang baru iaitu bayi kita
kedalam keluarga kita 10 tahun lepas. Situasinya lebih kurang sama
dengan masa kini. Kita akan menerima orang baru juga cuma bezanya ialah
jika 10 tahun yang lepas kita perlu menjaga dan membelainya dengan
manja
bersama tetapi kali ini, setiap urusan penjagaan dan belaian manja akan
di laksanakan oleh saya sepenuhnya.

8. Akhir kata, saya harap permohonan saya ini dapat dibalas secepat
mungkin. Semoga kita bersama-bersama dengan pihak ketiga akan dapat
melaksanakan program ini dengan jayanya.

Sekian, Terima Kasih.

"BERKORBAN DAN BERKONGSI KEBAHAGIAAN LAMBANG RUMAHTANGGA BAHAGIA"

Yang Ikhlas Memohon,

Suami bin Lelaki





Nota :

En Suami bin Lelaki telah menarik kembali permohonan ini setelah Puan
Isteri binti Perempuan bertanyakan "Nak suruh saya tandatangan dimana?
Guna pisau boleh bang..?".

Kini anda berpeluang untuk hantarkan surat yang sedia didraf ini kepada
isteri anda pula. Caranya, cuma tukarkan nama & alamatpengirim dan
penerima. Kalau berani cubalah...ahaks!...

The Koala Bear and the Lizard

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One day a small lizard was walking through the forest. He smelled pot and looked up to find a koala bear sitting in a tree.

The little lizard looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The bear replied, "I'm getting high, come on up." So the lizard joined the bear in the tree.

They continued to smoke joint after joint until finally the little lizard said, "My mouth is dry like cotton."

The koala bear agreed and told the lizard to go down to the river and get a drink and in the meantime he would roll another joint.

The little lizard attempted to lean over to drink water from the river and was so stoned, he fell right in and started splashing around.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to help the lizard to shore. He said, "Lizard what is wrong with you?"

The lizard replied, "I've been getting stoned with the koala bear. I needed water and fell in the river."

The crocodile said, "I don't believe this. Take me to the tree you were in."

So they walked through the forest and they come to the tree where the koala bear was sitting. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The koala bear looked down and said, "Holy crap dude, how much water did you drink?"

sorry...:bgrin:...dua x posting lak.

The Perfect Girlfriend

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 40 and am looking for a girl with very big breasts.

gambiaq

Originally posted by z4 at 13-8-2006 10:29 AM
The Perfect Girlfriend

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got  ...

I am now 40 and am looking for a girl with very big breasts.

ha ha ha..... mcm DK ja.......

7276

tapi ct tak big breast........lepeaq je..

gambiaq

lepaiaq ka..... besaq gak tu coba hg tgk gambaq2 hat la ni......




[ Last edited by  gambiaq at 13-8-2006 11:40 AM ]

eis_82

tu dia...
lam benang lawak pun leh kuaq citer minah ni.........

eis_82

NASIB SI BURUNG PIPIT


Seorang pemuda hensome yang sedang mabuk, berjemur dipantai tanpa pakaian menutup tubuhnya. Ketika dia melihat seorang anak gadis kecil lebih kurang berumur 7 tahun berjalan melintasinya, Dengan pantas dia menutup bahagian tubuhnya yang tertentu dengan buku yang sedang di bacanya. Kerana hairan, anak gadis kecil itu berkata,

"Abang, apa abang tutup dengan buku tu?" tanya gadis kecil sambil menunjuk ke arah buku. Kerana malu, pemuda itu menjawab,

"Ah tidak ada apa-apa. ini hanya seekor burung pipit?"

"Seekor burung pipit?" tanya gadis itu kebingungan.

"Betul, hanya seekor burung pipit," jawab pemuda lebih tegas. Setelah gadis kecil itu pergi berlalu, si pemuda kembali membaca buku sambil meneguk minuman kerasnya. Tak lama kemudian, si pemuda tertidur.
Ketika terbangun, dia berada di hospital dan merasa sakit yang amat sangat. Seorang polis menanyainya,

"Apa yang terjadi?"

"Saya tidak tahu. Saya sedang berjemur di pantai, lalu ada gadis kecil bertanya sebentar dan tidak lama setelah dia pergi saya tertidur dan kini tiba- tiba berada di sini."

Polis itu pergi ke pantai mencari gadis kecil dan bertanya,

"Apa yang kamu lakukan terhadap lelaki yang sedang berjemur itu tadi?"
Gadis kecil itu menjawab,

"Saya tidak melakukan apa-apa terhadap abang tu pon. Cuma waktu dia tidur, saya main dengan burung pipitnya. Tapi tidak lama kemudian, burung itu meludahi muka saya. Karena itu saya patahkan leher dan paruhnya, saya pecahkan telur-telurnya & saya bakar sarangnya!"


Moral of the story.
Jangan nak menipu budak kecik.

Things Not To Say On A Date

"I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."

"I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."

"I used to come here all the time with my ex."

"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."

"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."

"And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."

"I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."

"It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."

"I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

sorry.....2 x posting..

[ Last edited by  z4 at 27-8-2006 12:38 PM ]

jj

haku baru gelak guling2 tengok vidoe klip nie... siam baru masuk islam.. nak akad nikah...! sopa haram jadah lagik.... speaking kelantan...

Siam Akad Nikah