Intermarriages - Let's Discuss

Penulis

I understand what you're saying, enot. Yes, it is pointless to marry someone if there is no chemistry at all between the two, and I'm sorry that all your ex's are like that. But I'm happy though that you have found someone eventually.

I guess malay men are like what you said because of the upbringing. That is probably the only defense I can come up with. Every culture has different flavours, and that includes us malay men. I guess Malaysia is still like US forty/fifty years ago... where white men treat their wives like slaves. While white people has progressed, we still got some catching up to do.

Luckily some of us do care about our wives and never see them as slaves. I learned it the hard way, unfortunately. I almost lost her once to a white man because of my traditional malay attitude. That is the price you pay when living overseas. One can see things that are much better than the ones they have.

Honestly speaking, I was similar to what enot ex-bfs ten-fifteen years ago. I guess most malay men are like that, unless they are exposed differently as a child. As you grow older, you begin to understand more about life and the people around you. But the learning curve is a steep one.

But Alhamdulillah, I am still a malay man. I still feel, although we been living here for many years now, we still have some malay tradition in us. I don't think we are ready to completely switch our tradition to the western culture just yet - probably never. That small piece of ourselves that we hold is what is left of where we came from.

nhuser

Intermarriages...tajuk yang menarik.

Kenapa saya berkahwin bukan dengan lelaki sebangsa? Mungkin sebab sikap diriku yang too independant yang menyebabkan my ex-malay bfs tak boleh terima. Diri saya telah dididik sejak kecil oleh Abah dan Abang (miss Abah dan Abang!)dengan prinsip..."Man and woman are equal. If man can do it, woman can do it too. Go explore the world so that you won't miss anything"  Not many Malay men can accept women who have this kind of thought. They feel inferior.

Bab siapa yang have to do house chores, my hubby and I do the chores equally, including cooking. No such thing as "You are a woman, you need to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids etc...". Teringat lagi kata my ex, I had to do all the household chores, even after balik kerja, sebab :
1. saya perempuan, dan
2. Setinggi mana perempuan belajar, setinggi mana jawatan perempuan, tempat perempuan yang sebenar masih di dapur.

To think again, I m glad I did the right thing, dumped my ex. Syukur dipertemukan dengan my hubby. Alhamdulillah, kami masih bertahan sehingga kini (almost 8  yrs now), dan dikurniakan dengan seorang cahayamata (6 yrs old boy). Semoga jodoh kami kekal ke akhir hayat.

penmerah

tapi cabaran bersuami/beristeri mualaf tuh sungguh besar
dan pahala bawa org masuk islam tuh... sebesar dunia

tapi wa seram plak
sbb semalam boss tmpt wa cerita...
disebabkan tiada/kurang didikan secara berterusan, tak tahan godaan, tak tertanggung tekanan... seorg mualaf telah kembali ke agama asal dia

nangis wa dengar citer ni

wa sll dengar 4 ciri pompuan utk dijadikan isteri
1. cantik
2. harta
3. agama
4. background kuarga
dan pilihlah agamanya kerana itu yg lebih penting

ciri2 lelaki camner pulak yek?

anyway,
wa dah slamat kawen dan honestly wa pilih mamat nie sbb mamat nie encem dan ada kete (ala pada zaman hingusan dulu budak fomfuan kan suka kt encem dan ada kete huhuhuhu)

selain dari soal takdir.... kita percaya... Allah mmg dah tentukan jodoh
bukankah perasaan cinta tuh adalah nikmat yg Tuhan kasik

tapi typical malay man agak pentingkan virgin kot
ramai owang kata omputih fomfuan nie ramai dah ilang dara masa memuda
tapi nak tau gak camne agaknya malay man mengayat makwe omputih yek...
adakah sejiwang seperti mana dia menekel anak dara melayu hehehheheheh

nazha

mencelah sedikit..
mungkin sebahagian lelaki malay masih berfikiran begitu..pompuan mesti buat segala kerja rumah..(lemas juga kalau dipertemukan org sebegini)..
TAPI...masih ada lelaki malay yg berfikiran open..tak semua kerja rumah atau apa saja, perlu dilakukan oleh perempuan..mungkin ini kena tgk tahap pendidikan lelaki itu..mcm nazha, alhamdulillah, hal2 rumahtangga perlu dibuat bersama(husband malay, still org kg jugak)mana aci kalo kita jek buat semua..wife pun kena main peranan bagitau fungsi memasing dlm rumahtangga..mcm hobbies, nazha juga diberi kebebasan nak buat asalkan tau jaga diri..still bebas nak kua ngan member2 bujang kalo nak soping.(.hehehhe part ni yg best)....SO. conclusion, malay or not is still the same unless kita sendiri yg mau tentukan perjalanan hidup kita besama org itu...pilihan ditangan kita..

penmerah

ha ah
kalo dpt yg typical tuh.... amboi mak
wife adalah utkk menurut perintah
masak... laundry.... jaga anak....tido malam.... sume kene ckp yes sir

errr wujud lagi ke lelaki camnie?
bukan ker dah masuk zaman aeroangkasa
lelaki dah berpelajaran
isteri dah boleh bantu bayo itu ini
keje umah kene la kongsi gak

kadang2 suka tgk couple omputih yg tua2
loving sgt2
jalan pegang tangan...
kiss2
kalo malay man... peluk2 sikt dah ditepis2... malu kat owang katanya hehehehhehe

bitterchoc

IMHO, Pleaselah. I think it's important not to generalize.

Not all Malay men are "unhandsome"/selfish/boring/lazy/suka mengongkong, etc. And not all non-Malays/Caucasians are handsome/helpful/considerate/rajin/empowering, etc. People can be jerks regardless of race, color, religion.

It all depends on the individual.

nhuser

I totally agree with you. My opinion in why I married a guy outside my race was based just on my experience with my 2 ex-malay bf. I tak menyatakan semua malay men are like that. My Abah dan Abang indeed tolong their wives with the house chores. If I met a malay guy who was like them, sure I married that guy, but  my now-hubby came after I broke with my 2nd ex-bf   Dah jodoh.

hirokuyumi

I agree. I think everywhere men about the same. Life is like a gambling, kalau nasib baik, bahagia, kalau tidak, tak adalah. For me, kawin mat salleh, basically jodoh, tak pernah mencari or looking, infact ex-bfs semua malay, tapi nasib tak baik dapat yang playboy. Infact I punya relationship dengan both ex more than 7 years each, tapi tak ada jodoh. Tup-tap tup-tap jumpa hubby sekarang, kenal 6 bulan terus nikah. Bahagia until now. Totally different from the previous relationship. Basically it is open communications, we respect each others. Tapi nak kata all malay guys tak baik, tak betul jugak. My sister dapat hubby yang sungguh rajin dan baik. So as I said, jodoh. I ada jugak kawan foreigners dari German or other countries yang kawin mat salleh, ada yang tak bahagia dan bercerai-berai. So, as I said, semua tu nasib dan rezeki, kita hanya mampu berdoa.

DARSITA

Nanti ku bagi credits kpd semua reply.

beefcurry

fuuh lama tak jenguk sini,ingtkn topic mcm ni dh hilang,rupanya ada lg yg membangkitkn/menghangatkn semula... wa baca maaaa

pulut

aku jumpak kawan aku yg pompuan kawin ngan omputih yg perangai macam melayu totok. bukan sorang dua ya

macam mana tu? upbringing? no lah..individual semua ni

penmerah

serios.... aku gelak guling2 baca 'totok'
hehehehhehe...

azz_azza

hurmm...


actually, apa yang dikata ada kat lelaki melayu mesti ader kat lelaki bukan melayu jugak,,, tp kita leh kate lelaki melayu itu n ini sebab yg memang depan mata kita adalah lelaki melayu...


saya tak berapa setuju la pasal ni, bukan semua lelaki melayu macam tu,,,

n tak pernah tefikir pon nk berkahwin dengan lelaki bukan melayu... mmg peminat lelaki melayu malaysia ni


tp itu semua jodoh kan... dah kate jodoh kawen dgn bukan melayu... so x kesa je... for me lelaki sama je... ehhe...


tp diakui mmg lelaki bukan melayu agak open minded compared to melayu sbb kita masih terpengaruh dnegan budaya timur lagi...


tp rata2 lelaki sekarang mmg nk wanita berkerjaya, xde yang kate nk perempuan seeperti waktu2 dahulu... pemikiran dah berubah seiring dengan masa...


my 2 cents

sarahmirza

Saya pernah bercinta dengan 2 lelaki bukan Melayu tapi bukan mat salih macam tuan rumah cerita ni OK. Seorang mixed Cina+India & seorang Cina. Kali pertama tak jadi kahwin (Cina+India) sebab tak mampu nak ubah cara hidup dia apalagi nak jinakkan dia dengan Islam. Kali ke 2, hampir tercapai hasrat tapi dapat tentangan dari dua2 keluarga. Awal2 dah tak ada restu, kemudian hari kita tak mampu nak didik dia tak pasal kena tanggung dosa pulak .

The only reason why I terjatuh cinta dengan lelaki bukan Melayu bukan sebab handsome but mudah kata, kami ditakdirkan untuk berjumpa & bercinta..

DARSITA

Originally posted by azz_azza at 10/25/07 08:16
hurmm...

actually, apa yang dikata ada kat lelaki melayu mesti ader kat lelaki bukan melayu jugak,,, tp kita leh kate lelaki melayu itu n ini sebab yg memang depan mata kita adalah lelaki me ...

Akak dulu macam tu gak dek ~ nak lelaki Melayu nak lelaki Melayu jer --- sekalikkkkkkkkk jodoh dah ditetapkan dgn warga asing. Bak kata orang ''kita hanya merancang Tuhan yang menentukan''

DARSITA

Originally posted by pulut at 10/24/07 20:57
aku jumpak kawan aku yg pompuan kawin ngan omputih yg perangai macam melayu totok. bukan sorang dua ya

macam mana tu? upbringing? no lah..individual semua ni

Hi Pulut lama hang bertapa - raya mcmana?

Kadang kadang cara isteri nya mencorakkan suami. Macam aku ni malas nak layan masak masak western ku bagi jer makan makanan kita. Elok jer dia makan. Tapi bagi setengah orang yang pendek akal tentu akan cakap ''ya ke laki dia mat salleh?'' bila tengok gambar makanan yang ku pastekan iteww ~

note: Sorry lah kalau ada pembaca yang terasa pedas

muslyn

[quote]Originally posted by penmerah at 24-10-2007 09:41 AM
kadang2 suka tgk couple omputih yg tua2
loving sgt2
jalan pegang tangan...
kiss2
kalo malay man... peluk2 sikt dah ditepis2... malu kat owang katanya hehehehhehe

my malay parents pegi mana2 pun masih peluk & pegang tgn. Gmbr2 holidays semua romantic.
I thought that's normal. But actually, ramai generation my parents dah tak buat tu semua. Tu yg i pelik pulak! Sbb selama i hidup, i nampak my parents mmg loving sampai tua!

muslyn

Originally posted by bitterchoc at 24-10-2007 09:41 AM
IMHO, Pleaselah. I think it's important not to generalize.

Not all Malay men are "unhandsome"/selfish/boring/lazy/suka mengongkong, etc. And not all non-Malays/Caucasians are handsome/helpful ...

Totally agree!   

My 5 brother in laws yg very kampung & bukan semua highly educated, tapi bab tlg wife kat dapur, jaga anak2, kalah laki i yg melayu ni & paling educated among them!   My husband's excuse... penat kerja,..i tak kerja, so boleh kerja extra!:@  What i also admire them is they are very homely & domesticated. Unlike the typical married malay men we often hear yg suka lepak dgn friends wpun dah berderet anak2...

redsinner

mcm bitterchoc ckp, susah la nak generalize mengikut bangsa. nanti kita dicop racist.
dahla ramai aussies i kenal tak suke malaysia sbb NEP + local politics + ethics.
but anyway, human race ni berbilang bangsa. yg boleh influence cara dierang skrg mostly upbringing.
kalo upbringing ok, oklah jadinye.
mcm malay men, kalo dia dah dididik utk respect wanita, confirmla dia malaymen gentlemen.
kalo mcm ex i dulu, dia kata bile i kawen dgn dia, i kena duk umah, benti keje...jaga anak and tend to the house.
masak sedap2 mcm mak dia. nak pakai tudung sume...   belum kawen dah demand.
kat aussie ni pun ada golongon yg treat women mcm haram. stok one nite stand jer.
jerks are everywhere...kena berhati2 lah

azz_azza

Originally posted by DARSITA at 26-10-2007 07:37 AM


Akak dulu macam tu gak dek ~ nak lelaki Melayu nak lelaki Melayu jer --- sekalikkkkkkkkk jodoh dah ditetapkan dgn warga asing. Bak kata orang ''kita hanya merancang Tuhan yang menentukan''

tu la kak... kita jarang dapat yang kita nak... kita dapat orang yang boleh bimbimg kita, yg kita memerlukan...