“I Felt Like I Wanted To Just Die” - A New Mother's Postpartum Depression Strugg

NormanJB · Post time 7-4-2017 10:48 AM

Edited by NormanJB at 7-4-2017 10:50 AM

“I feel depressed.”

The phrase is used often enough by people when they are feeling down but not a lot of people are aware what depression is really about according to the Malaysian Psychiatric Association (MPA).

The MPA describes depression as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest that affects how a person feels, thinks and behaves.

It is also sometimes categorised clinically as a major depressive disorder or clinical depression.

As the World Health Organisation (WHO)’s theme for World Health Day this year is depression, we decided to look at a type of depression that a lot of Malaysians may not be aware of which is postpartum depression.

“I Felt Like I Wanted To Just Die”

Anna, 29 and mother of two toddlers, was diagnosed with postpartum depression after the birth of her second child while in the US and shared with Malaysian Digest her journey to overcome the illness.

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“It was very subtle, in my case at least. That’s why it was somewhat a surprise to me when I was diagnosed. I didn't think it was PPD and I still have my doubts but it is what it is; a chemical imbalance with symptoms so common that you should always get a professional advice,” she said.

She was diagnosed with weak postpartum depression by a nurse through a follow up phone conversation after she was discharged from the hospital and an appointment was scheduled for her to see a gynecologist.

“After doing a survey, the gynecologist recommended the smallest dose of medication just to try and see if it gets better.

“It was somewhat effective but they wanted to increase the dosage a week later thinking that it would be more effective but my body didn’t take it well.

“Taking half of the increased dosage in different times could potentially work but I felt I was fine as I was doing a whole lot better emotionally so I didn’t go for a follow up,” she said.

However, it turned out that she wasn’t as she came back to Malaysia not long after that during which her family went through a period of hardship that required her and her husband to be on a long-distance relationship (LDR).

“This did not work out so well for me. I would say I was most depressed at the time, more so than when I was first diagnosed,” she said. Having two toddlers under two years old who had to connect with people they never had physical contact before and had to be far from their father exacerbated matters.

It was also the most difficult at times for her at night when trying to get her children to sleep because the kids weren't cooperating enough that she had to ask for her mother’s help to get the children settled.

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Despite her condition, she did not see a doctor here in Malaysia as she was afraid of the societal discrimination and emotional abuse that she felt she would have to endure if she admitted that she was going through PPD.

“Medical professionals in the US care and communicate with you in a way that makes you feel like your worries are all legitimate and reasonable. The ones in Malaysia are more patronising in the sense that they project that they know better.

“So I would say that it is more comfortable to share my condition with medical practitioners in the US as they are more friendly and respectful compared to the more judgemental and offensive practitioners here. Of course this is only based on my experience, and some of those around me,” Anna shared that she is better now as her family situation has resolved and everyone is together again.

“However, my husband noticed that I recovered from the emotional state after our first baby when I stopped breastfeeding, which is legitimate since the doctors would usually advice you to stop nursing if you show signs of extreme PPD or postpartum psychosis,” she said.

She also chides those who belittle other people’s post-delivery experience.

“I don't think anyone appreciates it when someone comes to you and says ‘That's normal, I went through it too. You'll live.’ That does not help. Everyone has a different experience, so saying that you know exactly how it is, is just absolutely ridiculous.

“Also, society in Malaysia, specifically the Malays, tends to blame the mother for PPD. As if it is something she did or is doing or refuses to do (confinement rules) that causes PPD, which is totally and utterly absurd.

“Try to just be respectful and mindful of what is said around new mothers (even recurrent ones), and don't judge their parenting decisions (breastfeeding or not, it's ultimately their choice for their own good in regards to their specific situation), words are sharper than knives after all,” she advised.

She urged for people to understand and be more attentive towards new mothers.

“I definitely didn't feel like talking to anyone and felt like I wanted to just die.

“This is why it's so important for people to understand that it's a hard period and pay attention because usually, people with PPD don't share openly,” she shared, hoping her story will make a difference to others in the same situation.

Awareness Is Important To Detect Postpartum Depression

“Depression is not a condition that can be easily detected physically. It can be mistaken and confused with other mental health conditions. It can even manifest into unrelated physical conditions, e.g. headache or tummy ache.

“This makes it hard to diagnose. Coupled with the fact that there are negative stigma and discrimination surrounding mental health patients, this makes it difficult for patients to be proactive in seeking treatment,” Professor Dr. Nor Zuraida Zainal, President of MPA, had said last year at the launch of the annual Depression Awareness Day.

On postpartum depression (PPD), the Malaysian National Health and Morbidity Survey 2016 (NHMS 2016) found that 12.7% from 850 respondents were screened positive for PPD.

According to the report, it was the highest among the 30-34 age group (16.8%), followed by the 25-29 age group (11.8%), 20-24 age group (10.5%) and 15-19 age group (10.5%).

Associate Professor Dr. Suzaily Wahab, a consultant psychiatrist in UKM Specialist Centre, said that the symptoms of PPD is similar to major depressive disorder symptoms, but as its name implies, the symptoms were noted to be present during the postpartum period.

Source - MD