"A simPLe PRayEr..."

QuEen_k0iL

A SIMPLE PRAYER

This is a hard letter for me to write. But I have to. I am thirty-seven years old. Everything at this point should be going my way but it isn't. I did well in school. My grades were good, I didn't abuse drugs and was in the good books of teachers. I obeyed rules and generally got along with people.
   However, things didn't always go well at home. Father was hot-tempered and quick to blame others if things went wrong. Poor mum never knew how to handle the situation and felt helpless. I felt like running away to some quiet place where someone would tell me that he or she loved me and had time for me. I wanted so much to be just loved.
   That I think was the starting point of my troubles. I met many people and trusted all of them. I wanted to be loved so badly that I made mistakes. I had a few relationships and some were not safe. A few years later, I met this wonderful woman and got married. We had a wonderful marriage. Then the skies fell.
   I was diagnosed with HIV. I was totally devastated by this diagnosis. I thought of putting an end to my life. It will be so much easier to just go. I can hardly write this letter. My tears are blurring my eyes. But I have made this decision not to take my life. Only God can do that. I just want people know that we have only one life to live and enjoy. It is important that we make this life count. I have made a mistake and I am sorry. My mistake now affects my wife and my parents too. They feel bad knowing that I have HIV and are totally supportive. I wish they had been more supportive when I was growing up.
   But I am learning to let go of hurt and regrets. I don't want to blame others for what has happened. I am on medication and take my medicines regularly. Everyone tells me that I am healthy and can look forward to a healthy life. My wife supports me and loves me very much. She goes with me for my checkups and sees that I eat well. We go to the local schools together and give talks to young people on the dangers of casual sex. We tell people that correct and immediate medical attention helps people to live well.
   I think that is is important to live responsibly. That also means being aware of the dangers around us. It means being responsible for our actions and having a high degree of honesty. Life is not very easy but we have to face it with courage and strength. I have become stronger, thank God. But growing stronger has been a process. At first, I felt lonely and miserable. I couldn't talk to anyone then.
   I felt I couldn't trust doctors or anyone else at one point. Nobody seemed to understand what I was going through. It was easy for people to tell me to be strong but it was hard for me to actually live through this. I was scared sometimes and very sad at others.
   Then I contacted a Crisis Line which had a group of the most positive and encouraging set of people I have ever met. They have given me strength and guidance and taught me to love and respect myself. They have taught me that it is all right to make mistakes. I have learned much about myself through them. Now I offer my services to others who need help. That in itself has made my life so meaningful and I feel good to have this chance to do something for mankind.
   Now every day is so wonderful for me. I look at the sunrise and I thank God for giving me this day to enjoy. I see flowers, the sea and the surf with fresh eyes. The sound of children's laughter is very special to me. I receive much love from relations, friends and my wife.
   I pray a lot these days. I pray for strength but I also pray for others. My own suffering has taught me to care for others and to reach out. Perhaps what people say is true, that every cloud has a silver lining. I have become a better person, and a more responsible human being. I make the best of each day and savour life to the fullest. Thank you, God, for giving me this chance.

One Who Is Grateful..


p/s: utk dikongsi bersama..