Dealing with power struggle

my-alja

salam

gud articale about power struggle between parent and the kid...

The First Step is to Side-Step
The first step to effectively and positively deal with power struggles is to side-step the power struggle - in other words, refuse to pick up the other end of the rope. A mother asked her two-year-old if she was ready for a nap. "NO" replied the child. Feeling challenged, the mother replied, "Do you want to walk to your bed or do you want me to carry you?" "I want you to carry me upside down and tickle me as we go."
The mother realized that the "no" was an invitation to join a power struggle and by side-stepping it (neither fighting nor giving in) the mother created an ending that was happy, nurturing and loving rather than hateful and painful as nap time can often be. By side-stepping the power struggle, you send your child the message "I am not going to fight with you. I am not going to hurt you. I am not going to overpower you and I'm not going to give in, either."




my doter selalu refuse to take nap during the day.....gud approach ekkk

[ Last edited by  my-alja at 1-1-2008 09:07 AM ]

my-alja

cemana nak buat kalo budak2 yg susah sgt nak buat keje sekolah....nak tulis satu ayat tu, dia boleh ambik masa sampai 1 jam....dia lengah2, dia main2, dia belek2....

....i selalu jadi hantu

any tips from the parent....

my-alja

Choices, Not Orders


After side-stepping the power struggle, the next step is to give choices, not orders. A father, trying to change an 18-month-olds diaper, against the wishes of the child, offered the child a choice of which room to have the change made. The child choose a room, but once in the room, balked again at the diaper change. The father continued with his plan to empower the child and asked, "Which bed?" The child pointed to a bed, the diaper was changed and the ongoing power struggle about diaper changes was ended.
When giving children choices, parents must be sure that all choices are acceptable. Don't give your child the choice of either sitting down quietly or leaving the restaurant if you have no intention of leaving.
Also be sure you don't give too many "autocratic" choices. Autocratic choices are choices are choices that are so narrow the child senses no freedom at all. Young children benefit from having some choices narrowed, but try to give broad and open-ended choices whenever possible.
Choices should not represent a punishment as one alternative. For example, telling a child "You may either pick up the toys or take a time-out" creates fear and intimidation instead of empowerment.


i suka tanya open ended question to my son.....berbeza dgn shooting question, YES or NO answer, nanti dia malas fikir

my-alja

Find Useful Ways for your Child to be Powerful


Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a power struggle with your child, ask yourself, "How can I give my child more power in this situation?" One mother asked herself this question concerning an endless battle she was having with her son about buckling his seat belt. Her solution was that she made him boss of the seat belts - it became his job to see that everyone was safely secured. The power struggle ended.




ermmmm.....bagus nyer mak nie


tak pernah terfikir pasal nie, rasanya i selalu overpower my kid...iskk, iskk


tu sebab agaknya my son suka bully adik dia kot...sebab dia nak rasa ada power

my-alja

Powerlessness Creates Revenge

Children who are overpowered, or who feel powerless, will often seek to gain power through revenge. They will seek to hurt others as they feel hurt and will often engage in behavior that ultimately hurts themselves. Revenge at age two and three looks like talking back and messy food spills. Revenge at age 16 or 17 looks like drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy, failure, running away and suicide.

When children act out in power struggles and revengeful behavior, they are most often feeling powerless and discouraged about a positive way to contribute and know that their actions count. Most parents

my-alja

Do the Unexpected
One parent side-steps power struggles by announcing "let抯 go out for a treat" when she feels the situation is headed for a showdown. Her purpose is not to "reward" bad behavior, but to reestablish her relationship with her children and keep her end goal of a close, loving and cooperative atmosphere in mind.





Getting to Win-Win
Power struggles often feel like someone has to win and someone has to lose. A win-win solution is where each party comes away feeling like they got what they wanted. Getting to win-win takes negotiation. Parents can assist their children by responding to a child抯 demands, "That sounds like a good way for you to win. And I want you to win. But I want to win, too. Can you think of a solution that works for both of us


nie rasanya drp old school...i am the boss but giving the situation that u cannot compromise...huhuhuhuhu....cemana tu?

HOTlips

  Mcm tu me x leh nak bg tipslah... sebab me pun selalu jadi hantu gak!
Cuba tanya cikgu Yan, Mc ke? Mcm best je dgr citer anak2 Mc. Bertuah sungguh!

my-alja

Originally posted by HOTlips at 1-1-2008 09:49 AM
  Mcm tu me x leh nak bg tipslah... sebab me pun selalu jadi hantu gak!
Cuba tanya cikgu Yan, Mc ke? Mcm best je dgr citer anak2 Mc. Bertuah sungguh!

agaknya hot.....mak2 yg duk rumah nie aje yg selalu jadi HANTU

mak2 keje nie ada gak masa berpeleseran kat luar rumah, esp yg ada maid....heheheh

pstttt...tunggu feedback mak2 keje dlm nie

anj2208

Originally posted by my-alja at 1-1-2008 10:41 AM



agaknya hot.....mak2 yg duk rumah nie aje yg selalu jadi HANTU

mak2 keje nie ada gak masa berpeleseran kat luar rumah, esp yg ada maid....heheheh

pstttt...tunggu feedback mak2 keje ...

aha... aku selalu gak jd hantu...
tp azam 2008 ni xmau jd hantu dak...
nak psycho ckit....