JOKES versi Sains & Maths

The light bulb problem

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A2: None. A mathematician can't screw in a light bulb, but he can easily prove the work can be done.
A3: One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby reducing the problem to the already solved (ask a programmer, how)
A4: The answer is intuitively obvious
A5: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with.
A6: In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.
Bibliography:
[1] Weiner, Matthew P,...

How many mathematical logicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
None: They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done.

How many numerical analysts does it take to replace a lightbulb??
3.9967: (after six iterations).

How many classical geometers does it take to replace a lightbulb??
None: You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.

How many constructivist mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
None: They do not believe in infinitesimal rotations.

How many simulationists does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Infinity: Each one builds a fully validated model, but the light actually never goes on.

How many topologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
Just one. But what will you do with the doughnut?

How many analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
Three: One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.

How many Bourbakists does it take to replace a lightbulb: ?
Changing a lightbulb is a special case of a more general theorem concerning the maintain and repair of an electrical system. To establish upper and lower bounds for the number of personnel required, we must determine whether the sufficient conditions of Lemma 2.1 (Availability of personnel) and those of Corollary 2.3.55 (Motivation of personnel) apply. Iff these conditions are met, we derive the result by an application of the theorems in Section 3.1123. The resulting upper bound is, of course, a result in an abstract measure space, in the weak-* topology.

How many professors does it take to replace a lightbulb??
One: With eight research students, two programmers, three post-docs and a secretary to help him.

How many university lecturers does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Four: One to do it and three to co-author the paper.

How many graduate students does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Only one: But it takes nine years.

How many math department administrators does it take to replace a lightbulb?
None: What was wrong with the old one then???

A SLICE OF PI

                   ******************
                     3.14159265358979
                       1640628620899
                        23172535940
                          881097566
                            5432664
                              09171
                                036
                                  5

Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

# H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

# To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

# Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

# Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

# Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

# Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

# The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

# Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

# Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

# The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

# The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

# A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

# The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

# A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

# Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

# Liter: A nest of young puppies.

# Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

# Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

# Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

# Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

# Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

# Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down

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Originally posted by Mr.Forensics at 22-2-2007 09:00 AM

aku suka nih. elok jer gajah tu duk tengah tengah