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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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Debate between American and French
An American is having breakfast in France, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"
American: "Of Course."
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."
After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 22-7-2007 08:57 PM ] |
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Second Notice
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
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NIGHT COURSES
Ah Beng went to take night courses for the
reason in future can get promotion or better job.
During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge.
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses
for 3 months already, next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.
Then Ah Beng started show off...
Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in
1876, see... if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless*
The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is
Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions", nah nah nah...
told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless +
frustrated*
The next day, once again...
Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la.
He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take
night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless +
frustrated + irritated
This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore
and ask Ah Beng...
Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!!
If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*
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Reply #478 kecubung's post
hahahaaa..... then stop staring!  |
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Reply #486 TheHawk's post
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Are you a Carrot, an Egg or Coffee Bean?
(You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again)
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling; it seemed as
one problem solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs
out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she asked her to observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother said, "Each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot was strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
揟he ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.擺/color]
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or, am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water.
The very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest; do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? Like the CARROT, the EGG, OR the COFFEE BEANS?
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A Telefon Call
The telephone rings, and a Mr. Sori answered it.
Lee Sum Wan : Hello can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Mr Sori : Yes you could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan.
Mr Sori : You want to talk to someone, and here I am. Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : I抦 Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.
Mr Sori : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone |
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The Boat
Jim and John were identical twins. Jim owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of friends, but eventually they sank it. Jim spent all day with them trying to salvage as much stuff as they could from the sinking boat, and he was out of touch all day long.
Unbeknownst to him, on the very same day, his twin brother John's wife died suddenly.
When back on shore, Jim went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman met him, and mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Jim, thinking she was talking about his boat said:
"Hell no! In fact I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time, and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted. |
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Go ahead and lick it !
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"
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Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."
"Rubbish," says the girl.
"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."
The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."
"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."
"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!" |
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Reply #497 TheHawk's post
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wohoooooo a holly crap just for a piece of chicken |
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Author
Post time 24-7-2007 12:10 PM
