ஜ ReLaX peKeNa PaSemBoQ 58 ஜ

calMing

At that time, I am really confused. Sad. The reason the whole transfer thing from the previous hospital to Ampang Puteri is because he has trouble breathing and the doctor there confirmed that it was dengue.

How can from dengue be a tumor?

He never sick before. Only demam, selsema like the rest of other kids. Bagi ubat, dia baik. Tidak pernah pun dia terbaring lama, kesakitan. Never. He never get sick before. I really dont understand.

"Your doctor tak pernah instruct for Xray?" Asked the surgeon again.

"No. And I pun tak pernah terfikir nak hantar dia for Xray coz dia tak pernah sakit".

"Its not your fault. The doctor should advise you. We need to sent him for scan. Then baru I betul-betul boleh confirm whether its tumor or something else. But from my experience, its tumor and maybe dah lama kat sini, maybe since birth. Pneumonia is because of the tumor. I cuma boleh tahu the size, berapa lama and what kind of tumor after the scan. Then baru I boleh buat surgery."

Again, I just kept quiet, trying very hard to understand all this. Dzafri starts merengek balik, and this time, I started to cry. I asked the doctor to discuss it with my husband. I went to get him, again, I have to wait with Dzarif at the visitor lounge. Only few minutes inside the ward, he came to get me, saying that Dzafri is crying and looking for me.

I quickly ran to get him, seeing that the nurses try to pujuk him but he's still crying and mengamuk rimas because of the wayar. The nurses prepared him to sleep, as before can get into the scan, he must sleep.

With the help of the nurses, I tried to give him the ubat tidur. Its a sweet syrup, but my poor boy refused to take it. Its not like normal Dzafri who loved to eat, drink, even ubat. Since Wednesday, his selera makan kurang and starts on Friday, he refused to drink, eat and even takes his milk. Its so sad bila mengenangkan, yang dia memang suka makan, but dia akhir hayat dia, he cant eat.... maybe because sakit yang ditanggung .... I dont know. I really dont. Sampai sekarang, everytime I ate, I must remember him, because he is my partner when makan time. He will walk towards me or starts mumbling when he saw his plate or my plate or any foods in my hand.......

Even though the portion of the ubat given to him suitable for his age and weight, he still cant sleep. He start merengek again, pulling all the wayar, tried to sit on the bed and he looked at me with his sad eyes, asking me to hold him. The nurses help me with the wayar, and I hold him tight, tried to put him to sleep. Because if he cant sleep, they cant put him into the scan machine. Still, he cant sleep after holding him for almost 15 minutes. The nurse put him to IV, with hope that he will sleep, but no .... He merengek lagi kuat, pulling all the wayar, pusing sana sini, wants me to hold him ..... I tried to calm him down, pujuk dia, berzikir, and looks like he wants to sleep .... but I was wrong.

calMing

It was 8.35pm.

He starts to tersentak-sentak, like kena fit. I thought its fit because dia pernah kena fit on 4 November 2009 and 1 February 2010. I yelled to the nurse, saying that dia kena fit, but the nurse reply to me ....

"Ni bukan fit kak"

Before she could finish her sentence, she quickly called out all of the nurses in the ICU/NICU ward and the doctors. Just a split second, there is about 7, 8 nurses in the room and one of them had asked me to leave the room. That minute I know something terrible happened.

I was crying , more into menjerit, meraung, asking the nurses what's going on. 2 of them tried to calm me down, asked me to sit on the chair as I nearly collapsed. I tak sedar, my husband were there with Dzarif. I couldnt say anthing, only sat there and cried. Dzarif come to me and hug me, saying to me not to cry. I even cry loud, saying that I am sad because adik sick.

My husband were asking me what had happened as he spent most of the time at the visitor lounge because he cant be with Dzafri in the ward because need to take care Dzarif. I told him what had happened. Dia terkejut, quickly berdoa for Dzafri and asked me to do the same.

Then, the doctor came and see my husband.

"I cannot promise you anything. I think there's no hope, but I will try my best."

My husband can only said, Ya Allah.

calMing

I cried.

And only after 2 minutes, the doctor came to us again.

I cant barely hear what he's saying but my husband came to me.

Hug me and kiss me.

"Dzafri dah tak ada, yang. Ya Allah."

And it was 8.50pm.

I still sit on the chair, crying like I never cried before.

Screaming.

My husband went into the room. I was still outside, this time I was sitting on the floor, making calls to my family and friends.

I cant walked to the room. I have no strength to do that. I just cant. I couldnt face this. My son is gone.

I am so sad. I could not explained more. No words can described it.

It felt like my chest just being stabbed.

Ya Allah. Beratnya dugaan yang Kau berikan kali ini.

After I have called my friends, Maria and Zul, called my aunties, my brother. Then I called my mom. The minute I told her that Dzafri had passed away, my dad pengsan. Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku. Berilah aku kekuatan. Then I called my mom again to make sure that she and my dad are ok. Luckily, my aunty just stayed near there and a cousin had offered to drive my parent from Kluang, Johor to KL that night.

Then, I slowly walked to Dzafri room.

calMing

There he was, lying on the bed.

I cant hear his voice again.

No 'mama' to greet me.

No chicky smile to welcome me.

No bye bye hand from him.

He just lying there.

He's gone. Forever.

calMing

I held him tight. Crying, screaming his name. Saying No. I dont why, but I said "No, Dzafri. No."

I dont know how long i cried, screaming his name.

Then, I sat. I was tired.

I asked the nurses, "Betul ke dik dia dah tak ada".

The nurse looked at me, "Betul kak. Dia dah tak ada."

I repeatedly asked her the same question. And she reply me with the same answer.

My Dzafri is no longer with me.

calMing

I miss him. Today (1 April 2010) is the 12th day since he passed away.

But I can still hear his voice.

I can still hear his cries.

I can still remember his laughter.

I can still smells him.

And I still remember his smile.


Ya Allah, aku redha dgn ketentuanMu. Berilah aku semangat dan kekuatan dalam menempuh dugaan Mu yang besar dan berat ini, Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, Kau Maha Pengasih, Maha Pengampun. Segala-gala yang terjadi adalah kehendak mu Ya Allah dan aku sebagai hambaMu, redha dengan segalanya. Tempatkanlah Dzafri di sisi M,u di kalangan orang beriman, di syurga Mu. Kau temukanlah kami bersamanya di syurga Mu, Ya Allah. - Amin.

calMing

Dzafri,

Mummy love you so much. I am going to miss you forever. Not only me, ayah, abang, totok, grandma, uncle adik, auntie mek, and all of us will missing you dearly. I love you dear. No words can described how much I miss you right now. I love you dear. I have to let you go. But I'm going to miss you forever and my love will never fade. You are my only DZAFRI. Al Fatihah

calMing

pagi2 air mataku dah bercucuran ...

calMing

errmmmmmm

calMing

Suatu hari, seorang ibu menghantar anaknya yang baru berusia 5 tahun menaiki bas ekspres Kuala Lumpur - Kangar. Ibu itu berpesan pada pemandu bas "Encik.. tolong tengokkan anak saya ya... Nanti kalau sampai di Ipoh... cakap pada anak saya."

Sepanjang perjalanan, si anak ini cerewet sekali. setiap seminit dia akan bertanya pada penumpang disebelahnya.. "Sudah sampai Ipoh belom?"

Hari mulai malam dan anak itu masih terus bertanya-tanya. Penumpang disebelahnya menjawab.. "Tidor aje la.. Belom sampai lagi ni.. nanti kalau sampai saya akan kejutkan!"

Tapi si anak tidak mahu diam.. dia pergi ke depan dan bertanya pada pemandu untuk kesekian kalinya,

"akcik.. sudah sampai Ipoh ke belom?"

Pemandu yang sudah keletihan menjawap soalan itu berkata.. "Belom! Tidur aja la! Nanti kalau dah sampai kat Ipoh.. pasti dikejutkan..!"

Kali ini, si anak tidak bertanya lagi, dia tertidur nyenyak sekali. Kerana suara si anak tidak kedengaran lagi.. semua orang di dalam bas lupa pada si anak, sehingga ketika sampai di Ipoh.. tidak ada seorang pun yang membangunkannya. Hinggalah melepasi Alor Setar.. si anak masih tertidur dan tidak bangun-bangun.

Tersedarlah si pemandu yang dia lupa membangunkan si anak. Lalu ia bertanya pada para penumpang..

"Encik-encik dan puan-puan sekalian.. bagaimana ni.. perlukan kita hantar semula anak ini?" Para penumpang pun merasa bersalah kerana turut melupakan si anak dan setuju menghantar si anak kembali ke Ipoh... Maka berpatah kembalilah rombongan bas itu menuju ke Ipoh.. Sesampai di Ipoh... si anak dibangunkan. "Nak! Sudah sampai di Ipoh! cepat bangun!" Kata Pemandu.. Si anak bangun dan berkata.. "Oh sudah sampai ya!"

lalu si anak pun membuka beg pakaiannya dan mengeluarkan nasi bungkusnya.. Seluruh penumpang kehairanan... "Bukankah kamu hendak turun di Ipoh?" tanya pemandu kebingungan.

"Tidak lah.. mama saya pesan.. kalau sudah sampai di Ipoh.. saya boleh makan nasi bungkus ni!"

sengal ...

LittleEinsteins

saLammmmmmmmmm

LittleEinsteins

selamat pagiiiiiiiiiiiii

LittleEinsteins

caLminggggggggg {:1_134:}

LittleEinsteins

sedihnya tu....

calMing

Kekadang Allah menyempitkan
Supaya kita tak hanyut dalam kesenangan
Kekadang Dia melapangkan
Supaya kita tak selalu dipagut kesempitan
Kekadang Dia melepaskan kita dari kedua-duanya
Supaya tidak bergantung kepada sesuatu
selain-Nya!

LittleEinsteins

caL sarapan apa pagi ni?

LittleEinsteins

There he was, lying on the bed.
I cant hear his voice again.
No 'mama' to greet me.
No chicky smile to welcome me.
No bye bye hand from him.
He just lying there.
He's gone. Forever.


tak tahan baca yg niiiiiiiiii

LittleEinsteins

mana caL dapat stori tu??

baByBoY

assalamualaikum. selamat pagi kawan2

baByBoY

nampak cal n ein.........