aku dah puas mengalah...tolong lah...

Rayz_1

Pn Kiss,

apa citer nih?kata laki ko tu baran orangnya tapi boley ugut2 plak nak tinggalkan dia kalau dia ada affair dgn orang lain?lepas ugut tu kena maki tak?kalau betul dia baran dah tentu  kena penendang...

ala...baru 3 tahun kawin..tahan le dulu lagi 3-4 tahun...u kena accept your hubby as he is...kalau dulu dia caring tapi lepas kawin dia baran tu normal la tu...dia maki2 tu bukannya benci pon cuma dia nak someone untuk melepaskan geram aje...memang jarang ada isteri yang boleh tahan kena maki ni tapi kalau ada yang tahan,  yang satu  itu aje la sampai ke akhir hayat....(err..teori ini is not applicable kalau hubby u ada affair dgn orang lain)

adala

byk kes, sbb gaji lbh tinggi dr laki.. tak kira la pompuan tu kesah or x.. tapi laki tu tetap akan rasa terhina dan akan wat sesuatu utk naikkan keegoannya..

org kata la kan.. senjata pompuan yg org laki paling lemah, air mata.. laki kalo tgk pompuan nangis mmg akan timbul rasa tanggungjawabnya...

benda yg paling merosakkan pompuan ialah 'jangan ingat pompuan lemah'..

kalo dia tengking, nangis terus.. jgn tengking blk (atau dlm bahasa pompuan, nasihat), atau tarik muka atau berpaling arah lain.. takyah tunjuk ego.. sbb dia pun dok tgh ego.. jgn apikan lagi..  nangis dpn2 dia.. jgn lak nk ego ngan lari msk bilik kunci pintu ke.. biar dia tgk..

kalo blh tu jgn la smpai cerai berai...

tp yg pentingnya.. sbb gaji pompuan lbh.. laki ni ego dia ngalahkan budak2.. kdg2 lawak rasanya.. pompuan takleh lbh lnsg dr dia..

adala

lelaki baran bkn sbb rasa pompuan lemah.. tp dia rasa dia lemah...

alangGIRL

Originally posted by hantu1 at 16-10-2006 11:23 AM
Puan ...

Pada pendapat hans, suami puan cuba utk menguasai & monopoli secara total (keseluruhan)
perjalanan hidup puan...
Dari perlakuan , percakapan & juga perhubungan puan dgn keluar ...

I got the article below from the internet how to identify a potential abuser (mentaly). From my observation,  usually guys with inferiority complex have the tendency 2 mentaly abuse thier partner. Hya kiss yg bole decide samada kiss didera secara mentally atau tak. For info... penderaan mental lg teruk effect dia sbb you tak nampak kesan dia mcm penderaan fizikal but it affects you in many ways .... but don't get me wrong, i'm not accusing your husband as an abuser.... tq.

source: http://www.amie.org/abuse/abuser.shtml

Characteristics That Might Identify A Potential Abuser
FAMILY HISTORY: Has your partner reported being physically or psychologically abused as a child? Was your partner's mother abused? A family history of abuse is a significant predictor for a person to become an abuser as an adult.

JEALOUSY: Is your partner jealous when you spend time with friends and/or family? Does your partner constantly accuse you of flirting with others? Does he call you frequently during the day? An abuser will probably tell you that jealousy is a sign of love and concern. In fact, jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: Does your partner become angry when you don't listen to his advice? Is your partner angry when you are a little late coming home from an appointment or shopping? Does he control all the money? Do you have to ask permission to leave the house? Are you afraid when your partner becomes angry with you? At first, abusers will explain that controlling behavior is motivated by their concern for their partner's safety or the need to make good decisions. Rather than expressing concern for the partner, controlling behavior shows a deep lack of respect for the partner. It fulfills the need of the abuser to dominate, rather than fulfil the needs of the victim.

QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Did your partner "sweep you off your feet?" Did your partner proclaim his or her love for you before the two of you had spent enough time together to get to know each other? Did your partner pressure you to commit to the relationship before you felt ready to do so? Were you made to feel guilty by your partner if you wanted to slow down your involvement with him? Many abused people dated or knew their abusers for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together.

ISOLATION: Is being with your family and friends "more trouble than it's worth" because of your partner's jealousy? Does he constantly criticize the people who support you or try to undermine your trust in them? Does he try to keep you from going to work or school? An abusive person will try to cut the victim off from all resources, especially friends and family. An abuser knows that the more contact a victim has with others, the more likely she is to defy the abuser or to leave.

BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: Does your partner blame you for his mistakes? Does your partner feel life is unfair and someone is out to get him? Does your partner find it difficult to take responsibility for his actions? Abusive people do not hold themselves accountable for the abuse they commit, and rarely take responsibility for their actions. After being blamed and criticized for everything she does, the victim will eventually internalize these false messages and begin to believe that she is responsible for ending the abuse that is committed against her.

HYPERSENSITIVITY: Does your partner perceive slight setbacks as personal attacks? Is your partner easily insulted? Does your partner lose his temper frequently and more easily than seems normal? Abusers typically have low self-esteem. Their self-confidence may be so fragile that even constructive criticism is seen as a threat.

CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Does your partner seem insensitive to the pain and suffering of animals? Does he expect children to do things beyond their ability? Does he tease children until they cry? Insensitivity to children or animals is common in abusers because abusive people are generally not considerate of the feelings of others. 60% of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children.

"PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: Does your partner like to throw you down and/or hold you down during sex? Does he want to act out fantasies during sex in which you are helpless? Does he ever try to manipulate you into having sex when you are not in the mood by using sulking or anger? Abusers enjoy having power over their partners, and sex is one way in which they can feel in control. Many abusers find the idea of rape exciting. Rape, like abuse, is about power over another person.

VERBAL ABUSE: Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful? Does he degrade you or put you down? Does he tell you that you are stupid, lazy or clumsy? The abuser wants his partner to be dependent on him/her. He will try to undermine his partner's self-confidence by putting her down, making fun of her, demeaning her, embarrassing her in public, and/or calling her names.

RIGID SEX ROLES: Does your partner expect you to serve him? Does he say that you must obey him in all things because you are a woman? Does he/she insist that you stay at home and discourage you from working? Abusers sometimes see women as inferior to men and unable to function as a whole person without a relationship. They accept this reasoning as an excuse to abuse and dominate their partners.

DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Are you confused by your abuser's "sudden" changes in mood? Is he extremely moody and prone to unexpected explosions of anger? Many women think that their abuser has some special mental problem because one minute he's nice, and the next he's exploding. Moodiness is typical of batterers, and it is related to other characteristics of abusers, such as hypersensitivity.

PAST BATTERING: Has your abuser admitted to hitting women in the past? He may say that they "made him do it." Have you heard from relatives or an ex-spouse/girlfriend that your partner is abusive? Situational circumstances do not make a person an abuser. A batterer is likely to beat any woman he is with if the relationship lasts long enough for the violence to begin.

BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: Does your partner destroy objects you value? Does he beat the table with his fists or throw objects around or near you? The abuser may use this behavior to punish his partner, but it is also intended to frighten the woman into submission. The abuser feels that he has the "right" to punish or frighten his partner.

ANY FORCE OR THREAT OF FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: Does your partner ever physically restrain you from leaving a room, push you or shove you? Does he ever hold you down or hold you against the wall saying something like "You are going to listen to me"? This is not only a form of control, it is an indication that your partner is willing to use force to maintain control over you. In abusive relationships, violence frequently escalates. It may begin with a push or a slap, but it can become much more violent!

THESE ARE NOT DEFINITE SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER IS AN ABUSER, ONLY THAT HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME ONE.

Source: Surviving Domestic Violence: A Resource Book for Avalon Clients.

Da_ceria

Kesian la aku dgr kaum hawa kena dera mcm nie... Agaknye kiss ni lembut hati sgt kot? Kdg2 klau kite xmelawan sgt..mmg kena pijak2. Kiss kena brtegas ckit ngn suami kot...bln nk mghasut ni, tp realitinya yg kerdil akn dipandang remeh & diperlekehkan. ... Da mmg xlayak nk nasihat sbb lum kawen lg..tp Da rasa Kiss kena tunjukkan sedikit kuasa & hak sbgai isteri..supaya suami sedar, dimana letaknye seorang isteri tu disamping suami.

artgeex

Originally posted by lorenabobbit at 12-10-2006 08:19 AM
ish...beratnye prob akak ni...slagi blh thn, thn je la kak.....cian baby u nnt....

tp, kaum hawa mmg la xblh nk ubah encik adam ni...kt ni kan dr tlg rusuk diorg....kt sndiri pun bengkok, caner  ...

aku kurang setuju..means kita ni lagi lemah dari dorang ker pada pandangan kau? aku langsung tak setuju, kita ni PELENGKAP bukan CEBISAN.. kalau cebisan, yer la tak dapat nak luruskan.. pepatah omputeh mengatakan, di sebalik kejayaan lelaki, ada orang pompuan.. pepatah melayu pula mengatakan bahawa, tangan yang menghayun buaian boleh gegarkan dunia..so how come ko kata kita sendiri pun bengkok, nak luruskan orang laki tak boleh pulak? dalam Islam, lelaki perempuan equal.. takder lurus lurus takder bengkok bengkok..

|issa

salam..

mak saya pun dapat suami yang panas baran..(abah saya ler) sekarang dah 25 thn lebih kawin..
sekarang, abah saya dah byk berubah, lebih cool dr dulu.

ini apa mak saya buat:

1) abah saya maki 100 patah perkataan, mak jawab 0. tak nangis, tak tarik muka, dia buat muka 20sen jer.. (mcm forumner atas ckp)

2) jgn provoke time dia marah. mak saya buat kerja sendiri, sembang dengan anak. telefon member, sembang2, gelak2.. buat mcm tak ada apa2. seolah2 apa yg abah buat tu tak beri kesan langsung kat dia.

3) masak sedap2. abah tu.. dia baran mcm mana ngan kitorang pun, dia akan balik mkn kat rumah. layanan mak mmg tip top.

4) ada satu stage, mak dpt tau abah ada bunga2 affair. so tau apa dia buat? dia tinggalkan kitoang kat rumah..(saya jaga adik, masa tu saya tak tau apa yg jadik)..dia tefon abah kat ofis, cakap nak pegi umah kakak dia kat penang. abah tepon umah kakak dia kat penang nak check kut2 dah sampai, tapi tak sampai2. mmg abah panic gila, dan marah la of course. sampai mlm baru sampai rumah. rupa2nya pegi shopping kat penang..(menghiburkan hati kut).

bila balik duduk dlm bilik baru mak slow talk. walau apa dia buat nampak kecik, tapi beri impact yang besar. pasal apa.. mak ni mmg tak pernah melawan, tak pernah memberontak. sekali dia buat mcm tuh, terus settle.

5) kitorang pun dulu selalu kena maki. paham la budak kecik. bila dgr perkataan tk elok, dia akan ikut. itu la jadi kat kitorang dulu. so abah ni selalu mrh kitorang bila dia dgr kitorang ckp perkataan tk elok. mak sound abah lembut jer (dlm bilik la).. anak2 ikut apa yg mak bapak ajar. lepas tu dia dah kurangkan maki dia. (kurang jerk)

6) sabar dan doa kut.. sbb skarang terbukti bila dah makin tua nih.. abah makin cool. makin tunjuk appreciation kat mak. beli mcm mcm. mungkin nak cover blk apa yg kurang dulu.

so.. nasihat saya..jgn biar apa yg suami buat tu boleh lemahkan kita. tunjuk yg kita ni tak dieffect sikit pun. strategi lain boleh dibuat mengikut kesesuaian

Ekka

[quote]Originally posted by kiss at 17-10-2006 10:39 PM


bukan setakat merajuk aje..kekadang sampai kene maki hamun sebab bende

aiharanaoki

Originally posted by |issa at 1-12-2006 02:25 PM
salam..

mak saya pun dapat suami yang panas baran..(abah saya ler) sekarang dah 25 thn lebih kawin..
sekarang, abah saya dah byk berubah, lebih cool dr dulu.

ini apa mak saya buat:

...

good story indeed. boleh jd teladan utk aku sbb aku ni jenis memberontak.laki aku lak jenis baran.so bila dia maki2 aku mmg tak tahan.biasa la lelaki, ego, kalau salah pon tak ngaku..respect la kt mak ko ni..